intolerable, inhumane circumstances and YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO COMPENSATION!! For the low initial fee of $100, we will advance your claims against HSX with a goal of arranging a recovery of at least THREE TIMES THE ACTUAL VALUE OF YOUR ACTUAL INVESTMENT in your HSX portfolio. So EMAIL the law firm of BLUTARSKY & HOOVER now, confirming your position in our class-action procedure for the low cost of $100, to be paid in cash by mail to an address to be provided.
You DESERVE compensation because you PAID for the services and enjoyment provided to you by HSX, right? So send us a hundred bucks and we will FIGHT FOR YOU to combat this egregious outrage of a brief interruption of trading.
ABOUT OUR FIRM: John Blutarsky, a graduate of Faber College* and Harvard Law School*, has served his country as United States Senator and as sergeant-at-arms of Delta Tau Chi's Faber chapter. He is married to the former Mandy Pepperidge. Robert Hoover, a graduate of Faber College and the University of Pittsburgh School of Law, has served the public as an assistant public defender. He trolls for needy divorcees in Holiday Inn Express bars. Does OK at it, too.
* honorary degree
Offer not valid in any state.